A tale of overcoming suicidal depression, beating a lifelong body image battle and experiencing the limitless possibility of life. This story is for you.
“Hey Harry Potter, you’re cute!” A voice chimed to me as I sprang out of the house wearing a newfound pair of funky circular glasses. It’s the last week of what will be one of the most formative chapters of my life. This article is one to shed light on my experience and propel hope for the future of a place being built for the masses.
I’ve spent the last 5 months living at Everland, a grassroots startup project in the mountains in Colorado. In these 5 months I’ve experienced healing, returning to my authentic self and a profound passion for helping others do the same.
Our society right now is sick with people who have lost their zest for life, have put themselves into boxes and forgotten what it feels like to be human. I know this, because I was one of them.
The word “play,” had no real meaning in life 7 months ago. Fast forward to my new world where hide and go seek after dinner has become a norm and where playdates with friends include rolling around in tree nets and swinging from giant swing sets. These things, unlike the normal buttoned up reality of zoom calls, dinners, formalities, have taken my breath away, had me laughing to tears or in delighted hysterics. This way of life sends chills up my body, lights surprise in my eyes and feels worth living for.
A world of watching Netflix or mindlessly scrolling social media feels like a waste of this life, when what we can be experiencing is utter delight, belly laughter, and connecting with humans in a natural, vulnerable, playful way.
In my second to last week at Everland, as I was walking one of the trails, I found myself singing and clapping my hands, creating a unique new jingle. Woa, I caught myself, when was the last time I did this? Oh that’s right, I clearly remembered. I was eight years old, skiing on the ski hill, in utter peace with the world. This is where my body and spirit have returned to. A happy place where I feel compelled to sing out in joy.
As a 27 year old female, I’ve spent the majority of my adult life aiming for one physical goal with my body, to stay thin, as society has told us is the only way to look beautiful, get good jobs and marry the partner of our dreams. Yet somehow, in the midst of living with people who relentlessly accept me for all of my oddities, fitting into the stick thin mold became far from a priority. I let go of the idea that my body needed to look like a manicured woman on the front of a magazine. I ate carbs and simply let my body be. In doing this I realized how much happier life feels when I no longer manipulate my beautiful temple into depletion. After years of restrictive eating, of scrutinizing body criticism and two years of the loss of my menstrual cycle, I flipped the coin. I welcomed healthy female fat to my body, enjoyed the curves that began to form, saw myself as a goddess figure instead trying to look like a prepubescent teen, and had the return of my menstrual cycle.
In these five months, I’ve remembered what it feels like to stop worrying about the next best job, how much money I need to make to afford xyz, what size jeans I need to wear, and any societal bar that somehow makes me more or less human. I remembered that recess is the most fun time of day. I remembered that creating art is valuable in itself. I remembered that surrounding myself with community is the way we were meant to live. As I transition away from this miraculous place, I can only hope, that this effect will be had for so many more people that come to Everland.
Life is too colorful to succumb to a grey box that we’ve been told we’re supposed to fit into. Let the curves grow. Jump into the tree net. Laugh till the tears stream down your cheeks. And please come visit Everland, where we can do this together.
